Hi. welcome to Utah. today, according to http://airnow.gov, salt lake city has the worst air quality in the nation. it’s like being hooked up to an exhaust ventilator. The air literally smells and tastes awful.
Here is what a toxic death blanket of killer smog looks like when approaching salt lake from the south. Visibly disgusting.
I’ve added a blue arrow for greater visibility.
My pal (and super artist) Aaron Deyoe has whipped up a little pdf of Shatter Shatter, a story about doing bad things and being exiled to Ohio. Also a story whose title comes from a Tori Amos song.
Check it out here, or DOWNLOAD it here.
[story originally appeared at Brain Harvest]
Here they are, in order from best to ultra best:
5.) Bjork – Vespertine – 2001
This is a very delicate album. It isn’t in your face; it’s very tiny–deceptively so. It’s the sky with the stars hanging in it. It’s snowflakes under the microscope, all alien and fragile. Bjork is very restrained here (for Bjork), except for a few exquisite moments of raw, screaming emotion.
4.) Sigur Ros – ( ) – 2002
Packaged with no information, an album name with no letters, and songs called untitled 1, untitled 2, etc., I bought the album purely for how strange it was. Call it a gimmick if you must, but the contents of the album strike down any doubts. It is an album of the underneath and inbetween. There are no lyrics, just syllables. The first half of the album is the soundtrack for a rainy funeral, the second half the sound of destruction–epic songs all over 8 minutes long, sweeping crescendos and their ravaged, strung-out aftermath.
3.) Death Cab for Cutie – Plans – 2005
Once upon a time, Death Cab recorded a very interesting, very fresh sounding album called Transaltanticism, which included an 8:00 + minute song of the same name. It was a smart album; it was indie with hints of pop goodness. A few years later they dropped Plans. Plans is an uplifting album, at times bleak, which manages to distill perfect indie-pop into each of the 11 tracks. The ballad I Will Follow You Into the Dark is perhaps the best love song of the last 10 years, a dark and honest promise-song for the shoe-gazing, overly earnest kids-these-days of… well, these days.
2.) Mew – Frengers – 2003
Not quite Friends, Not quite Strangers = Frengers. This mainstream debut from Danish Indie-art-rock band Mew was an event. The songs structures shift like buildings with quicksand foundations, the lyrics are just strange enough to not exactly make sense. The album could have been called Not Quite Normal, Not Quite Alien. The song titles really sum up the album experience. Some samples:
- Am I wry? No
-Snow brigade
-Eight Flew Over, One Was Destroyed
Frengers was, to my young and callow ears, a doorway to a more complicated world, a little greeting card attached to a larger gift that said “You can’t go home again.” Or was that Thomas Wolfe? Either way, this album was an amazing discovery.
1.) A Perfect Circle – Mer de Noms – 2000
First, a story:
Mer de Noms really changed the game for me. Before I heard this album, I was a Metallica fanatic. From about third grade on, I only listened to Metallica albums, went to three of their shows, wore Metallica t-shirts… you get the idea. I was 17 when I first heard this album. This was back in the early days of online music, and dial-up internet. I would go to the good old cdnow.com site and listen to the 30 second samples of the songs over and over again. I didn’t have enough money to buy the album, so I just listened to the samples. I’m talking for HOURS.
Finally I saved enough for the album, and it just, tore my brain down and rebuilt it. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s also true. I’d hear people talk about the first time they heard or saw The Beatles, or the first time they saw Star Wars IV. This is like that.
The album is lush, but rough and dark and dirty, like an alleyway blooming with lavender or morning glories. Each song is a story, an individual epic. In 2000, when I first heard this album, 3 Libras was the single greatest thing I’d ever heard. Now, at the end of 2009, it still is. The soft acoustic guitar, the quiet vocals, the sad violins–even the drums are dripping with feeling and emotion. Drums. The ending is huge and sad, a great desperate longing that filled me up.
Aside from graduating college or GETTING MARRIED, one of my best memories from the aughties is going to see A Perfect Circle in Orlando, FL with my pal Clayton in 2001. It was February, and cold as hell. We got to the venue 8 hours early to be first in line, and thus right up at the stage (GA admission), and we were. Not too much compared with getting to sing along with 3 Libras WITH THE ACTUAL BAND.
I was completely changed after this album.
From “The Wrong Grave,” by Kelly Link [From the book Pretty Monsters].
Miles is standing in front of the coffin containing his girlfriend, thinking poetic thoughts:
…Every cloud had a silver lining, except there was probably a more interesting and meaningful way to say that, and death really wasn’t a cloud. He thought about what it was: more like an earthquake, maybe, or falling from a great height and smacking into the ground, really hard, which knocked the wind out of you and made it hard to sleep or wake up or eat or care about things like homework or whether there was anything good on TV. And death was foggy, too, but also prickly, so maybe instead of a cloud, a fog made of little sharp things. Needles. Every death fog has a lot of silver needles? Did that make sense? Did it scan?
You can read the entire story here.
Inversion (in which a deviation in the normal change in air temperature + altitude). This leads to Pollution: Bad air gets trapped in the valley and just sort of hangs around making everything miserable.
In this picture, between the trees, you should be able to see parts of downtown (I took this on a hill above town). But you can’t, because of the smog (not fog). There hasn’t been a glimpse of blue sky all day, but hopefully an approaching winter snow (with 5 or so inches of snow expected) will pop atmospheric cap and disperse the badness. (Also, SNOW!)
When I subbed my first story to this market, the editor was like
But for my second story, the editor was like:
Now that’s progress you can see. Improvement!
Last night was my final portfolio presentation at Westminster College. I had to take all my teaching artifacts from the last four years or so, and craft them into a 20 minute presentation to show that I’ve met the TEAC (Teacher Education Accreditation Council) standards. It went really well, and then we got to eat churros. There was a bit more to it than that, but I prefer that summary. 
So today I have an interview with the Salt Lake school district, and next week interviews with the districts outside of Salt Lake. While it’s not the best economic conditions to graduate it (when I started going to college to become a teacher, there was a desperate shortage. There’s still a desperate shortage, just no money to hire anyone).
Since I have to wait until May to actually graduate and do all those fun things, I’d just like to take this time and space to thank a few people:
my AWESOME WIFE, Beth, for helping me get through the last couple years, for her support, and for showing me what being organized actually looks like (it DOES exist!!). Thanks to Mom and Dad for the support (and, like, everything else), and thanks to Ms. Bigler who was the best mentor and extremely supportive, and to the Westminster teachers, who knew when to nurture, and when to kick me right in the *%&. Oh, and Charity, the “secretary” at WM, who is actually a friend, and who helped me keep track of all the deadlines and bureaucratic stuff.
It takes a village!
Back this week with notable releases from December 8, 2009.
Puddle of Mudd – Vol. 4: Love and Hate
Puddle of Mudd is what you’d get if you mixed Alice In Chains and the Beastie Boys together. It’s like the color orange: It’s not quite red, not quite yellow, and nothing rhymes with it. The vocals are dirty and grungy, the lyrics on par with what you might hear attending a Friday night party at a frat house (which, don’t worry, I never have):
A long time ago in a galaxy far A-WASTED
It’s not a very pretty sight, but is about what you’d expect from Puddle of Mudd’s fourth album. Hey, at least they’re consistent!
30 Seconds to Mars – This is War
Does no one take you seriously as an artist? Are you in a band and also you were in Fight Club? Hey, You’re Jared Leto! Congratulations on being one of the prettiest boys on the planet. What’s that? Need a little street cred? It’s okay, just hire Kanye West to “sing” on your new album. Unfortunately that collaboration (Hurricane) is the best track on the album.
“This is War” is more like the first 30STM album (self titled) than their second (A Beautiful Lie). The songs are self indulgent, the vocals are overly processed, and the lyrics are like a bad Epic Fantasy novel that takes place ON A SPACE SHIP. It’s the kind of bad that’s almost good, like drinking black coffee and watching movies with laughably awful dialogue.
Timbaland – Shock Value II
Timbaland is SO THANKFUL for autotune. Imagine being the definitive composer of a generation, and having NO SINGING ABILITY whatsoever. It’s like if Beethoven was composing and also deaf. JUST IMAGINE IT! Well, no longer. With Shock Value II, Timbaland proves that he has no talent in naming albums. No wait. I meant, with Shock Value II Timbaland proves that he knows more famous people than you ever will. There are questionable guest spots (Miley Cyrus, Jo-jo), obvious ones (Justin TImberlake and Nelly Furtado), and even an interesting one or two (Chris Daughtry and The Fray).
The autotune is slathered on thick, like special sauce on your Mcdonald’s hamburger. I could probably do a whole post on this album, and I will. Check back tomorrow for a special extended review of Shock Value II.
Glee Cast: The Music, Volume 2
Chorus kids sing your favorite hits. It’s not as bad as Kidz Bop, and, as you might imagine, does not compare to the original songs. Listening to this album is like this: If somebody made delicious chocolate chip cookies, put them in a ziploc bag, sealed it up, and left it for a week. And then you come along and eat the bag the cookies were stored in. “Gosh,” you might say, “I bet these cookies were delicious, but THIS BAG SOUNDS LIKE CRAP.”
Until next time, kids…
Shimmer Magazine is looking for someone to help maintain our website. Ideal candidate would have experience with wordpress (as that’s how our site is run), and be easy to communicate with, i.e. checks mail often, or is occasionally on google chat. Time commitment: 10-20 hours every time we are about to drop an issue, and occasional updates.
You don’t need to be a professional web monkey, we just need help posting new content. This position, like the rest of our staff, is a volunteer position, but there are perks. You will be listed among the Shimmery People in print and online, and will receive two copies of every issue.
If this sounds like fun, contact me at
sean[at]shimmerzine.com
If you know someone who would be a good match, please help spread the word and pass this along.
Thanks!
update: the position has been filled. Thanks to everyone who expressed interest, and helped to spread the word.
Automatic Snow Globe
No more painful wrist injuries from shaking up the snow in your gorgeous snow globes! Spend more time with your family and less time shaking up the snow globe. With the Automatic Snow Globe, motion detectors are activated by nearby activity, and with our patented vibro-matic action, the “snow” is tossed around for your viewing pleasure. $13.99
Vanilla Scented Mens Boxer/Briefs
Never have your underpants smelled so sweet. Invoke the scent of cookies, brownies, any dessert, really. You’ll be the talk of the town, and a hit in the bedroom. Satisfaction Guaranteed! $17.50 per pair.
Shrek Doorbell.
Tell your guests to “Get out of your swamp” in a clever Scottish accent. Also available in Spanish. $33.99
Backwards Snuggie.
Sure, snuggies keep your front warm, and your hands free, but what about you Derriere? Introducing the Backwards Snuggie! Backwards snuggie features colors and prints to match snuggie original. The backwards snuggie also comes with “trap door,” so you can stay warm on ANYWHERE. Fun for EVERYONE! $14.99
