Sean Markey |

Here they are, in order from best to ultra best:

5.) Bjork – Vespertine – 2001 

This is a very delicate album.  It isn’t in your face; it’s very tiny–deceptively so.  It’s the sky with the stars hanging in it.  It’s snowflakes under the microscope, all alien and fragile.  Bjork is very restrained here (for Bjork), except for a few exquisite moments of raw, screaming emotion.

4.) Sigur Ros – ( ) – 2002

Packaged with no information, an album name with no letters, and songs called untitled 1, untitled 2, etc., I bought the album purely for how strange it was.  Call it a gimmick if you must, but the contents of the album strike down any doubts.  It is an album of the underneath and inbetween.  There are no lyrics, just syllables.  The first half of the album is the soundtrack for a rainy funeral, the second half the sound of destruction–epic songs all over 8 minutes long, sweeping crescendos and their ravaged, strung-out aftermath.

3.) Death Cab for Cutie – Plans – 2005

Once upon a time, Death Cab recorded a very interesting, very fresh sounding album called Transaltanticism, which included an 8:00 + minute song   of the same name.  It was a smart album; it was indie with hints of pop goodness.  A few years later they dropped Plans.  Plans is an uplifting album, at times bleak, which manages to distill perfect indie-pop into each of the 11 tracks.  The ballad I Will Follow You Into the Dark is perhaps the best love song of the last 10 years, a dark and honest promise-song for the shoe-gazing, overly earnest kids-these-days of… well, these days.

2.) Mew – Frengers – 2003

Not quite Friends, Not quite Strangers = Frengers.  This mainstream debut from Danish Indie-art-rock band Mew was an event.  The songs structures shift like buildings with quicksand foundations, the lyrics are just strange enough to not exactly make sense.  The album could have been called Not Quite Normal, Not Quite Alien.  The song titles really sum up the album experience.  Some samples:

- Am I wry? No

-Snow brigade

-Eight Flew Over, One Was Destroyed

Frengers was, to my young and callow ears, a doorway to a more complicated world, a little greeting card attached to a larger gift that said “You can’t go home again.”  Or was that Thomas Wolfe?  Either way, this album was an amazing discovery.

1.) A Perfect Circle – Mer de Noms – 2000

First, a story:

Mer de Noms really changed the game for me.  Before I heard this album, I was a Metallica fanatic.  From about third grade on, I only listened to Metallica albums, went to three of their shows, wore Metallica t-shirts… you get the idea.  I was 17 when I first heard this album.  This was back in the early days of online music, and dial-up internet.  I would go to the good old cdnow.com site and listen to the 30 second samples of the songs over and over again.  I didn’t have enough money to buy the album, so I just listened to the samples.  I’m talking for HOURS.

Finally I saved enough for the album, and it just, tore my brain down and rebuilt it.  I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s also true.  I’d hear people talk about the first time they heard or saw The Beatles, or the first time they saw Star Wars IV.  This is like that.

The album is lush, but rough and dark and dirty, like an alleyway blooming with lavender or morning glories.  Each song is a story, an individual epic.  In 2000, when I first heard this album, 3 Libras was the single greatest thing I’d ever heard.  Now, at the end of 2009, it still is.  The soft acoustic guitar, the quiet vocals, the sad violins–even the drums are dripping with feeling and emotion.  Drums.  The ending is huge and sad, a great desperate longing that filled me up.

Aside from graduating college or GETTING MARRIED, one of my best memories from the aughties is going to see A Perfect Circle in Orlando, FL with my pal Clayton in 2001.  It was February, and cold as hell.  We got to the venue 8 hours early to be first in line, and thus right up at the stage (GA admission), and we were.  Not too much compared with getting to sing along with 3 Libras WITH THE ACTUAL BAND.

I was completely changed after this album.

Back this week with notable releases from December 8, 2009.

Puddle of Mudd – Vol. 4: Love and Hate

Puddle of Mudd is what you’d get if you mixed Alice In Chains and the Beastie Boys together.  It’s like the color orange: It’s not quite red, not quite yellow, and nothing rhymes with it.  The vocals are dirty and grungy, the lyrics on par with what you might hear  attending a Friday night party at a frat house (which, don’t worry, I never have):

A long time ago in a galaxy far A-WASTED

It’s not a very pretty sight, but is about what you’d expect from Puddle of Mudd’s fourth album.  Hey, at least they’re consistent!

30 Seconds to Mars – This is War

Does no one take you seriously as an artist?  Are you in a band and also you were in Fight Club?  Hey, You’re Jared Leto!  Congratulations on being one of the prettiest boys on the planet.  What’s that?  Need a little street cred?  It’s okay, just hire Kanye West to “sing” on your new album.  Unfortunately that collaboration (Hurricane) is the best track on the album.

“This is War” is more like the first 30STM album (self titled) than their second (A Beautiful Lie).  The songs are self indulgent, the vocals are overly processed, and the lyrics are like a bad Epic Fantasy novel that takes place ON A SPACE SHIP.  It’s the kind of bad that’s almost good, like drinking black coffee and watching movies with laughably awful dialogue.

Timbaland – Shock Value II

Timbaland is SO THANKFUL for autotune.  Imagine being the definitive composer of a generation, and having NO SINGING ABILITY whatsoever.  It’s like if Beethoven was composing and also deaf.  JUST IMAGINE IT!  Well, no longer.  With Shock Value II, Timbaland proves that he has no talent in naming albums.  No wait.  I meant, with Shock Value II Timbaland proves that he knows more famous people than you ever will.  There are questionable guest spots (Miley Cyrus, Jo-jo), obvious ones (Justin TImberlake and Nelly Furtado), and even an interesting one or two (Chris Daughtry and The Fray).

The autotune is slathered on thick, like special sauce on your Mcdonald’s hamburger.  I could probably do a whole post on this album, and I will.  Check back tomorrow for a special extended review of Shock Value II.

Glee Cast: The Music, Volume 2

Chorus kids sing your favorite hits.  It’s not as bad as Kidz Bop, and, as you might imagine, does not compare to the original songs.  Listening to this album is like this: If somebody made delicious chocolate chip cookies, put them in a ziploc bag, sealed it up, and left it for a week.  And then you come along and eat the bag the cookies were stored in.  “Gosh,” you might say, “I bet these cookies were delicious, but THIS BAG SOUNDS LIKE CRAP.”

Until next time, kids…

Back with all the latest in new music from November 24, 2009.

Boyz II Men – Love

Aw, yeah!  Boyz II Men bringin’ it back to show you how these 11 love song (covers) would sound if they were sung by four aging R&B crooners.  Voices  smooth like your grandpa’s bald head.  All your favorites are here!  You’ll get “Open Arms,” (originally by Journey) with none of its This will never work, Steve Perry, you know nothing about writing hits, Bic Flicking, stadium filling PASSION .  You’ll get “Iris” (originally by the Goo Goo Dolls,) with none of its surprise Movie Soundtrack Goodness.  What will you get, you ask?  An a capella version of “Time After Time,” that is crowded and desperate, like five bums rushing your car at a red light and all trying to clean your windshield at the same time.

Shakira – She Wolf

I have no idea what Shakira is saying.  I looked up her lyrics and still have no idea.  Listening to Shakira is like being the dog and listening to a person talk.  You want to understand so bad, you can cock your head, and perk your ears up, but you’re still not gonna get any of that delicious, delicious steak.  (Somewhere here there is a very sexy metaphor waiting to be written).  Not even those pillars of communication, guest stars Timbaland and Lil Wayne can make this make sense.  Hot, Columbian, and you can dance to it.  Have fun.  I’ll be here in the back with my headphones on.

Adam Lambert – For Your Entertainment

Adam who?  Oh, that guy from t.v.  I forgot.  This is album is the soundtrack to all your biggest disappointments.  If you’ve ever wondered what happens to the songs written for  Britney Spears that don’t make the cut for her new album, wonder no more!.  Here, let his guy-liner and Kiss Platform Boots distract you.

Tom Waits – Glitter and Doom Live

Tom Waits takes another giant leap toward his goal of making his voice sound like dragging a metal trash can down a gravel road.  No, wait.  Let me try again.  Tom Waits is one step closer with this live album to SCARING YOUR CHILDREN TO DEATH (doin the good lord’s work).  Okay, one last try.  Tom Waits is here to prove that even an Alligator can learn guitar and sing the blues, and you will like it.  Oh yes, you will like it.

until next time…

And now, a disgruntled barista reviews some of the notable releases of Tuesday, November 17, 2009.

OneRepublic – Waking Up

Oops, looks like the lead singer (Ryan Tedder) used up all his good song ideas on either people. What better way to follow up a decent first record filled with catchy, urban-flavored R&B/POP than with an inaccessible, sometimes indulgent–most times boring second record. One or two decent songs (check out “Secrets”), but mostly forgettable. 

Leona Lewis – Echo

Still not Beyonce. Or Kelly Clarkson for that matter. Straight-up polished songs, just as you’d expect–the album equivalent of a hospital room, cleaned up just after the patient dies and is carted off. (Your musical taste is the dead body in this metaphor, FYI). Bonus points if you can guess which songs Tedder (see above) wrote.

Kris Allen – Self Titled

Well, it’s better than David Cook’s album.  It sounds like all of your favorite pop-rock bands.  Collect them all!  Or just play this Kris Allen album.  It’s not bad, really, the way Panda Express Chinese food isn’t awful, it just, you know, tastes bad, and is FILLING.  And more than you really needed.  And maybe one day you’ll have real Chinese food!

Fall Out Boy -Believers Never Die – Greatest Hits

From early songs filled with emo-angst up through recent songs as clever as a dancing frog.  Two new tracks on the album, make sure to check out “Alpha Dog.”  It’s like the distilled essence of Fall Out Boy.  Please dilute this song with water if it’s your first time.  Fall Out Boy is like eating hot peppers.   You don’t start with a Habanero chili; first you’ll want to eat a pepperoni, and then maybe a bell pepper.  It could be dangerous, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Until next week….